Deployed

When my husband took this job, we knew that part of his job description was to travel. However, we didn't realize that he'd be sent to parts of the world that will remain nameless and that it would be for a large span of time...I was thinking weeks at a time, not months at a time. However, we are now dealing with a deployment.

Now, my husband is not military. His is civilian government. So, the support services offered to military spouses is not offered to me. Despite all the research I did prior to his departure nothing really prepared me for him actually being away. I realize that this sounds like a "Pity Party" but let me tell you, this is actually really hard for me. We've been together for 20 years and have never spent more than 3 weeks apart from each other. Facing months apart, despite Skype and email is difficult.

My son, on the other hand, is either hiding his feelings really well or not as concerned as I am. Granted, he doesn't know where his dad is and well, I do. Another feature of worrying.

So, one thing I face daily is that I don't sleep well when he's gone. I did go on several websites where there were chat forums and found that most women, even military wives, don't sleep well at first, when their husband's deploy. So that was a reassuring thing that I wasn't a wimp or something. I also read that it is perfectly natural for a woman to cry or go into depression for a short time after departure of the spouse. Well, this is reassuring too as I've been lying to all my friends that I'm just fine...I'm not fine. I miss him terribly and it hasn't even been a week yet. Which is to me, just silly...when he is gone for two to three weeks on business travel, I'm fine. I don't go into phases of melancholy like I have done this past week...Oh no, I'm OK. Life goes on...but this week, was horrible. Maybe it's because I'm premenstrual. Who knows. It seriously does suck though.

So, as I was saying, this is completely normal - even for Military wives who knew what they were getting into when they married their soldier husbands. Well, I know I'm a strong woman and I respect these women mightily, so I know they're strong as well. If they get depressed, then it's okay for me to get a wee bit sad as well...so, I didn't get dressed on Wednesday until my son came home from school...I did shower. So, that's OK. And to be honest, today was the first day that felt OK. I think I'm getting there.

So, we'll see how it goes from here on out. I'll keep you postedd. It sure does suck though. I guess it just goes to prove that we're what we make of ourselves rather than our dependency on others.

Again, I'll keep you posted.